Oh! My God

He had seen life drift past the dull paddy fields, exhilarating ravines, across desolate deserts and through some dense tropical forests in blistering heat and biting cold. After all he has been a railway guard for now a long long time. His ability to talk to himself for hours enabled him to get on with what others would have described a killingly monotonous life. In his bizarre world time seemed to have by passed him, while he remained clung to his guard’s cabins of rumbling snaky goods trains so much so that now these familiar cabins appeared to him as extension of his own being. Every anomaly, oil patch on the wall or pieces of decaying rugs appeared to him as if grown out of his own body. In this complex networked microcosm of the railways, he was completely invisible, forgotten and overlooked. Time and promotions by passed him, though he did not complain, for he suffered from morbid phobia to any change from a familiar life style.
Years of isolation made him adept at chaffing through tit-bits of rustic wisdom from many conversations he carried out with simple working folks he met in course of his sojourns through myriad halts and delays at fancy places. He could however, never get over his fear of lonely dark places. He still felt frightened, when his train would halt at a remote dark place away from habitation. What added to his discomfiture was the uncertainty of duration for the train to remain rooted at such places. In such countless encounters he desperately longed for company of just any person. Although such occasions always ended uneventfully yet he never came out of such experiences any wiser. The fear of darkness was a legacy of childhood, which as a child he thought he would be rid of when grown up, this however never materialized only the realization that grown ups too suffered the same fear but only were not so obvious in showing it. This apart, he felt life so far had been one long uneventful journey fairly well coped by him. Now in the middle of his life, he had become extra sensitive to minor lapses mostly related to his professional life, which caused in him lingering anxiety until satisfactory resolution of such errors of judgement. Once the anxiety got resolved he would be amazed at his naivete for worrying so much over so little and often felt helpless in not being able to control his mind.
As his chain of thought was broken, he looked out through door of his cabin which opened to the rear of the train, he saw the pair of rails were disappearing far in the Thar desert while the train was laboriously climbing up the hills of Aravali mountain range. It was now approaching the twilight time, the sun slowly descending in the western horizon. Abruptly he realized that he had slipped again. A feeling akin to fear and anxiety begin to build up in him as he felt nagging realization that his not making log entry in the last station about the dangling dysfunctional signal post at 1140 mile marker down the line, will persist for some days and unsettle him. No amount of reasoning will make his mind let go of the grip the recurring anxiety. He was angry with himself for letting him to make the slip and causing him unnecessary perturbation. Exhausted he gently placed his against the cabin wall and closed his eyes. It had been an uncomfortably warm and tiring day. Soon he went into deep comma. After a while he heard some one talking to him in his head. Abruptly he stood erect. Someone was telling him,
"The persistence an annoying thought is not an aberration but based on sound logic. It is a safety mechanism to register a reminder in your mind not to commit the same mistake again."
"Who are you?" he looked around in the cabin. He was simultaneously afraid and puzzled at seeing a glowing dull golden sphere about four feet across suspended in mid air some two meters off him. He continued involuntarily,
"Why should the similar kinds of slip of judgements sometimes cause our mind to agitate while some other times it may seem completely innocuous."
"That’s because of imperfection of mind."
Now a lot more composed he looked at the glowing object curiously. The voices he was hearing weren’t actual sounds, therefore were not emanating from the sphere. Yet he felt the source of the conversation has something to do with the sphere. He asked again, looking at the sphere,
" Who are you?"
" I am God."
" You are God ! That’s crazy."
" Why should it be crazy?"
" Why should God look like a sphere?"
" Because it looks the same from everywhere."
" Oh ! And why the golden tinge?"
" That’s because of your fascination for the gold?"
" Alright, so you are God! Why is it that in spite of rational reasoning we cannot take control of our mind? Why should a convict in death row constantly worry about impending hanging rather than fruitfully employ his mind to find out ways and means to beat the death rap? Isn’t this in conflict with our essential survival instinct!"
" You think the humans are perfect evolutionary master-pieces. They are not. What about anatomical appendix! It only causes pain when inflamed but serves no useful purpose. Actually our inability to control our mind in spite of very good reasons does serve useful purpose. You see man does not fear harm as much as deferred fear of harm. The knowledge of impending harm completely rattles human mind thus makes him amenable to make a deal, a subtle compromise to help his chance of survival better."
"Isn’t this queer? You are justifying one behavior anamoly with another. I mean why should making deals and compromises be inhibiting to man?"
"Mind is very comlex, intertwined with conflicting immotions. While a severe immotional jolt could be cathartic but it is the lingering worry that helps men make up their mind to pros and cons of a given situation and arrive at an optimum resolution of the problem. I thought you will know this"
"What do you mean? You are God aren’t you! You should know what everybody thinks."
"How should I know what other’s have in their mind. I am your God."
"What do you mean you are my God. Do every individual has his own God?"
"God is creature of your mind. Since your mind is part your own, part collective wisdom and impressions acquired from the society, to that extent Gods are similar but distinctly individual."
"Oh my God!"
He suddenly felt a big jolt, as the train abruptly braked and slowed. His eyes were now wide open. The train seemed to be passing through a tunnel and straight through the rear door he could see the mouth of the tunnel not very far away. It was almost entirely filled with the dull glowing orb of setting sun.

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